...sense of...DISsatisfaction...

Just got back from yet another E.D. shift...i'm just really glad that E.D. isn't like E.R. we watch on telly. If that were the case, I wouldn't even haf mastered enough 'guts' to step in there to work through each shift... there's already enough struggle to get me motivated to go to work (my motivator is money for - guitar and training sessions, dog, rent next year or a house at some point, adding to that list, my 1st ever parking fine!!!)...more often than not, i walk out of the department thinking 'geeeeez, what have i achieved for the patients?' 'how much more indecisive and incompetent can i be?' ..... and 'how much more lies about myself can i tell those people doing interviews, trying desperately to 'sell' myself...

E.D. just isn't for me.... it can potentially be such a great big learning experience but so, is the opportunity just not presenting itself or am i subconsciously dodging all of them? or E.D. can simply induce the feeling that 6 years of med school hasn't even make me any bit more valuable to the E.D. than a volunteer who runs around chatting to patients, making them drinks...

it's one of those days...where i just wanna come home and find some consolation in a dog, MY dog... somehow i believe they just know without the need for words to be exchanged...