...whAt riGht dO i hAVe...

just what right do i have, to judge others? especially my patients....

i have been frustrated at work, at life, at myself... nothing new really...but that doesn't give me any right at all to judge my patients and get frustrated at them just based on my own opinions which have been seriously affected by sleep deprievation, self-loathe and discontentment wif my life!

some terrible judgements and (just hope i don't get sued!)
1) man in his 50s prolonged hospital & ICU stay, currently in remission... ongoing multiple issues BUT what right do I have to decide that the quality of his life is so poor that ongoing active treatment is just a 'waste' and allow the thought that he requires less attention than my other patients come across my mind?

2) young girl who has unfortunately been through a bad run with a few medical conditions and complications... tempremental, demanding, difficult BUT what right do I have to tell her to act like a responsible adult and that the world doesn't just evolves around her when I'm not in her situation or anywhere near trying to figure out what might be going through her head... do i know what psychosocial stressors apart from her medical issues that might be going on? -NO! and did i sit down and have a 'chat' to her to take a proper history like we were taught? - NO!

3) man in his 30s newly diagnosed medical condition requiring chemotherapy with hardly any time to digest all the medical jargon and treatment that we have bombarded him with... basically its "here's what we are going to do to you, take it or you're gonna die...don't mind the lines that we're gonna stick into you, oh definitely take no notice of those toxic drugs that we are going to pump you with which you'd get SICKER in order for us to make you better... and did we mention that you're gonna see us ALOT cos we'll definitely expect at least a complication to bring you back to us, if not we would be dissappointed." ... so who am I to judge him with his multiple concerns though they might seem trivial to me... it is HIS RIGHT as its HIS LIFE that we are dealing with

4) young lady in her 30s whom after a series of fortunate events (newly wed, fallen pregnant) has just been hit with a series of unfortunate events (the need to terminate the pregnancy, failure of treatments after treatments, and now palliative treatment) ... the lovely couple has never really complained or vent their frustrations at the 'cruelty' of life and when they asked of a letter from me so that they can perhaps persue some alternative form of treatment or opinions overseas, who am I to even think that they are being naive and unwilling to face the reality...but now I'm just hating myself for feeling frustrated at being thrown the task to compile her 9 volumes of medical records into one letter...i admire their courage and their strength to fight on as i would have just given up... i would have just retreated into my hole, pending Death to claim me