...back...

... person i love very much is back with us... almost, close enough...thank you

...lack of commitment...

i'm frustrated with my lack of commitment to accomplish things....

• half-read books (well, finally finished ONE book after 2 long months+)
• not fully utilising the gym membership while i'm back home - was good for the first week though
• procrastinating about catching up with friends till the very last minute... now i need more than a week
• missing my guitar real bad...regretting that i cancelled my last session! missing the new neglecting my old instrument - guzheng
• *glancing around* - a mess that i promised mum that i'd clean up
• my bicycle with its flat tyres patiently awaiting me to bring it out for a ride along the beach
• my living plans for next year.... i doubt i can be responsible for a companion (dog) i so badly wanted though
• my wardrobe that needs some 'cleaning up' to make way for my new purchases - well at least i was motivated enough to shop

everything just seems to take so much energry to accomplish...i wish i can gather some strength somewhere...

...dreaming of my clear blue sky...

i'm sleep lack from restless nights...
my minds tired of thinking about others...

if only i can have my clear blue sky
if only i can - not care
if only i can be a better person and learn to like myself more

if only... things might be better...

...bottled up...

no fights no quarrels = bottled up feelings

i thought we were great since we never fight or hardly even quarrel or disagree but we do have moments of marked decrease communication and whatever communication that exists, its just so cold, so distant...

i just need your understanding once again, yet i have no idea what i can offer in return...perhaps its pure selfish-ness

...the best laid plans...

yes, even the best laid plans can be foiled by unforseen circumstances... there goes my week get-away with Jia but theres no one to blame... as xiu said "you gotta do what u gotta do" and right now what I gotta do is stand by my family when they need me... I'm only a plane flight away... theres really no decision to be made...I can only sincerely apologise to Jia - for once again being the one who dashed the plans, for making him lose 1 week's pay, for being the one who is always 'running away', for being the one who always seem to be putting in less... there's really a whole lot of other things

perhaps what's not meant to be is just not meant to be...but hopefully, theres still another annual leave to come at the end of intern year... dare i plan again...

...a day off work...

finally, i took a 'sickie' from work without actually feeling sick... well i was feeling a bit nauseated and having a slight headache ... but right after i made that call to the hospital, those symptoms miraculously dissappeared - talk about mind over matters... sick leave shouldn't all be about physical illness i suppose...but perhaps its just another one of my excuses...
I certainly hope that the night wasn't too busy or that they managed to get a replacement in time...another of my weakness leaking out to the surface, I've succumbed, yet again...